Ask Papa: Handshake like a dead fish
Please note: This article is published as an archive copy from Philadelphia City Paper. My City Paper is not affiliated with Philadelphia City Paper. Philadelphia City Paper was an alternative weekly newspaper in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The last edition was published on October 8, 2015.
Dear Papa: Is this a minor problem, or evidence of a deep-seated inadequacy?
Dear Papa: I’m about to graduate from college, and of course, I’m trying desperately to find a job. So far it’s almost working — I have a few interviews lined up. To prepare, I’ve printed my resume out on nice paper and checked it for typos; I have a tasteful outfit picked out, and I already know my greatest weakness is my attention to detail. But I’m really thrown on the handshake! How do I leave a good impression?
—Five Fingers in Fishtown
Dear Five: A weak man will try to crush your hand. A weaker man will give you the handshake of a dead fish — that is a man you cannot trust enough to work with. Two equals will look each other in the eye, and allow the web of their thumbs to lock so that no matter how strong the handshake is, it will not hurt the other’s knuckles, and instead will serve to show that both have faith in the good work they can do.
Dear Papa: My wife is angry that her wedding ring is smaller than mine. Is this a minor problem, or evidence of a deep-seated inadequacy?
—Size Queen in Queen Village
Dear Queen: Is the inadequacy yours or is the inadequacy your wife’s? It does not matter. Is there something else that is making one of you feel like the other gets more? Are you not doing what you should be doing as a man to make your wife feel like her ring means as much as your ring? Do you have the handshake of a fish, slowly twitching on the boat, that you may as well have caught dead it has so little life in it? Maybe then you should just get her a bigger ring because it seems like you will never make a woman happy, and you should hold on to the one who was foolish enough to marry you because you will not find another. Or maybe she did as women do and said it in passing, so you would worry over it. It worked.
