Ask Papa: To have jelly beans
Please note: This article is published as an archive copy from Philadelphia City Paper. My City Paper is not affiliated with Philadelphia City Paper. Philadelphia City Paper was an alternative weekly newspaper in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The last edition was published on October 8, 2015.
The ghost of Hemingway advises a witness to an Easter candy raid and a befuddled wedding guest.
Dear Papa: I was wondering if you could weigh in on something that’s been bothering me. Over Easter, an adult raided one of the Easter baskets during the kids’ nap time and was caught in the act. He had eaten all the candy and thought it was funny. Some of us found this not so funny. In fact, some of us were a little angry. I have tried to let it go but it still annoys me. Am I overreacting?
—Stuck with the Easter-Candy-Theft Blues
Dear Easter: It sounds like this is the type of man who goes with a child to a park and pushes the child so high on a swing that the child wets himself, and then he makes fun of the boy for being afraid. After one drink, he is the type of man who gets red in the face, and demands to know if you are having a good time. But it sounds like you are the kind of man who might say, in a few years’ time, after you have been drinking and everyone else believes the matter forgotten, “You think that you are funny but you’re not.” I must tell you, Fitzgerald, that holding on to that kind of thing is no good. I should say also that I am sorry that I took the candy, but I am not. All that sugar is no good for a child.
Dear Papa: My friend has a problem. Her wedding is tomorrow (which is also our graduation day) and a friend from school who wasn’t invited asked her yesterday if he can come. There are only 14 people at the wedding, so it would be a significant addition. We are sitting next to him on the bus on the way to graduation rehearsal. What should she do?
—A befuddled guest
Dear Guest: There is very nearly always room for one more. It is better your friend invites him than have him show up anyway. You do not want a candy-stealing wedding crasher to stumble into the party.
