Bad Jokes, Bad Fights, Bad Guys

City Paper Grade: B-

Packed sardine-tight with well-timed wisecracks, incompetent redshirts and even a Samson-size Germanic henchman with bleach-blonde hair (love those guys), Roland Emmerich's return to the residence he blew the fuck up in Independence Day is jingo cinema at its stars-and-barsiest. It's very stupid and pretty watchable. On the verge of signing a momentous Middle East peace agreement (it's so easy, Obama!), streetwise President Sawyer (Jamie Foxx) suddenly finds 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue teeming with domestic terrorists, including one of the McPoyles from It's Always Sunny (Jimmi Simpson) as a super-hacker who once tried to reroute missiles to destroy Apple. Lucky for the chief, Capitol Policeman and decorated war vet John Cale (Channing Tatum) happens to be touring the building with his politics-obsessed tween daughter (Joey King), his vocalized neuroses fueling a mission to protect Sawyer while serving up John McClane stained tank top realness. With nearly every element of a proper '80s actioner in place — bad jokes, bad fights, bad guys who earn eventual bad treatment — White House Down's appeal lies in its garish predictability. It's as junky and satisfying as the Doritos you smuggled into the theater under your shirt.