Valentine's Day Planner

Cheap and unique: Valentine's Day (and week) events that aren't lame

Please note: This article is published as an archive copy from Philadelphia City Paper. My City Paper is not affiliated with Philadelphia City Paper. Philadelphia City Paper was an alternative weekly newspaper in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The last edition was published on October 8, 2015.

[Totally unoriginal and sort of sexist joke about thousands of men realizing Feb. 14 is this week and running to the phone, panicked, to make dinner reservations]. 

Cheap and unique: Valentine's Day (and week) events that aren't lame

We know: the weather is essentially a giant, menacing snowman giving us the finger, so no one really feels like getting dressed up for a break-the-bank dinner, the entire card-and-chocolate institution is dreadful and hackneyed, you didn't realize it was happening this week until this very second, etc.

Everyone gets the FOMOs sometimes, though (it's annoying to be doing nothing when everyone else is making a big deal about Feb. 14, you might say) and no matter how long you've been with your significant other or how much you totally don't care, there are some pretty cool love-and-other-pleasant-feelings (or completely anti-love) things happening this week. Such as:

Philadelphia Dramatist Center's "Philly's Primary Stages" series presents "Heart Attacks Too!"
They're calling it a showcase of 10-minute plays "exploring everything that is wrong with love." Wow, they only needed a few 10-minute segments?

With a $5 suggested donation at the door, you'll get entrance to the show AND gratis food and drinks. "Heart Attacks Too" features local directors, actors and playwrights with house band Hot Breakfast! Join other grumpy cats in scowling at the notion of the warm and fuzzies with two shows: Tuesday, Feb. 11 and Wednesday, Feb. 12, at 7:30 p.m., at the CEC's Meeting House Theatre, 3500 Lancaster Ave.

"Romeo and Juliet In Space" at the Walking Fish Theatre
Ah, the timeless classic that most poignantly celebrates unyielding love. "Hey," said B. Someday Productions (we assume), "Let's make it weird!"

Touted as "a space opera burlesque," the show takes over the Walking Fish on Feb. 12, 13, 14 and 15 at 9 p.m. The play will showcase R+J in "a galaxy divided," where it's not just each of their houses at stake, but, apparently, "what little is left of humanity." Yikes. Talk about pressure in a relationship. 2509 Frankford Ave., tickets at walkingfishtheatre.com.

Night Skies in the Observatory at The Franklin Institute
What could be more romantic than stargazing? Stargazing and learning, that's what. Chief astronomer Derrick Pitts hosts a late-night telescope session for the public on Thursday, Feb. 13 at 7 p.m. With admission at just $5, the night includes a show in the Fels Planetarium and a lecture on an astronomical or space topic (plus free star maps). At the Franklin Institute, 222 N. 20th St. Tickets and more here

"Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask)," presented by the International House's "Free to Love" film series
The 1972 film (directed by Woody Allen, despite how you might feel about him at the moment) pulled its star-studded feature from a "controversial" book of the same name. Here, people like Gene Wilder, Burt Reynolds and Louise Lasser act out a series of vignettes addressing sexy-times questions like, "What happens during ejaculation?" The International House says it's "The ultimate parody of the popular pseudo-science that emerged during the sexual revolution." Plus, it's always good for a refresher course around this, the time of year at which most cheap lingerie is purchased. Friday, Feb. 14, 7 p.m., $9, Ibrahim Theater, 3701 Chestnut St. Tickets here

First Person Arts Story Slam: The Ex Files
There's a possibility this slam will be sold out by the time you click to buy your $14 tickets, so get on it — as of Monday afternoon, FPA tweeted that there were a few tickets left. Ever popular, the "anti-Valentine's Day" slam returns this year with host R. Eric Thomas. Ten storytellers (sign up if you've got a tale to tell) will be randomly selected from the audience.

You're guaranteed to hear stories ranging from the silly, the spiteful, the sad, the snarky and the "so glad that's over." If you're up for a night that's less about how important it is to not be single on Feb. 14, and more about how love and life can be shitty and complicated sometimes, this is the place to be. (Let's hope that the Ex-themed evening doesn't cast some unfortunate "you're next" vibes on your current squeeze). Friday, Feb. 14, 8 p.m., $14, Underground Arts, 1200 Callowhill St. Tickets here

Dead Flowers' Freakshow Gameshow at Kung Fu Necktie
Writes Michael Mullen in this week's print issue of CP: "The perhaps thematically named Dead Flowers is celebrating the people who wear the not-for-everybody stripes with the Freakshow Gameshow, a contest where an esteemed panel of freaky judges (one of whom holds the Guinness World Record for heaviest beard lift) will be presiding as contestants battle it out, showing their strange talents, oddball-smarts, and all out weirdo-luck with hopes of being crowned the weirdest person in Philly."

The audience can participate as well, so go ahead and subvert the whole mainstream nature of Valentine's Day. Feb. 14, 7 p.m., $12, Kung-Fu Necktie, 1250 N. Front St.

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