Frame Shame
Please note: This article is published as an archive copy from Philadelphia City Paper. My City Paper is not affiliated with Philadelphia City Paper. Philadelphia City Paper was an alternative weekly newspaper in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The last edition was published on October 8, 2015.
The 20(+) best-worst movies we love to hate to love, which you should definitely watch.
Everyone has their secret shames. Maybe you just binge-ate that entire $4.99 serving of 20-piece Chicken McNuggets that was really meant for four people (in you car, so no one would see and judge you). Maybe you secretly hate Jennifer Lawrence but fear social ostracism if you voice your dissent. Or maybe you still don't know why the "pound" sign suddenly became a "hashtag", but you're rolling with it 'cuz the internet said so. And while we here in the Cp art dept. may or may not cop to those things, we have no shame when it comes to the movies we watch. So here's to the movies we'll never stop loving no matter how bad; the one's we will always be obligated to sit and watch (commercials and all) when they come on tv; the one's you should watch if you haven't already, but probably watch alone. Title, year and Rotten Tomatoes scores above, link and keyword synopses below!:
20. Euro Trip German pen pals, Matt Damon, Lucy Lawless, Full Frontal Nudity, Incest, Blasphemy.
19. Charlie's Angels - Full Throttle Double Down, Demi Moore, Bernie Mac, McG, You Go Girl.
18. Devil's Pond Tara Reid, Aquaphobia, Crazy in Love, Lifetime, Honeymoon From Hell, Straight to DVD.
17. Fear "Nicole get me a coke!", Psycho-stalker, Alyssa Milano, 90s Alt, Marky Mark, Rollercoasters.
16. What a Girl Wants Amanda Bynes, Expat, Rich Dads Rule.
15. Teen Witch Blake Lively's Older Sister, Creepy Midget Witch, Bad Rap, Rad Fashion and Dance Moves, Magix.
14. Good Burger Keenan and Kel, 90s Nickelodeon, "Welcome to Good Burger, Home of the Good Burger can I take your oooorder?"
13. Spice World Girl Power, Ziggy Zig Ahhh, London Pop, Boot Camp, Tour Bus You Wish You Had.
12. Bubble Boy Hamster Jake Gyllenhaal, Quest For Love, Punani.
11. The Sweetest Thing Suspicious Stains, Glory Holes, Furry Fetish, Road Trip, Fashion Montage.
10. Pearl Harbor Historical Accuracy, Bro Code, Love Triangle, Michael Bay, Ben Affleck, Josh Hartnett.
9. Mannequin Kim Cattrall as an Ancient Egyptian??, Living (Sex) Doll, Andrew McCarthy, Philly.
8. The Wild Wild West Kenneth Branagh, Steampunk, Sci-Fi, Bitchin Theme Song, 60-foot tall mechanical spider.
7. Showgirls Elizabeth Berkley, Catty Bitches, Trey MacDougal Before He Was Trey MacDougal, "Ver-sah-chee" Not "Ver-say-s", Better Seen Censored.
6. The Wedding Planner Matthew McConaughey Before He Won an Oscar, J-Lo As an Italian Chick, 2 botched weddings.
5. White Chicks Mom Jokes, Undercover Brothers, Bitchfits, Dance Battles, Terry Crews.
4. The Ugly Truth Everyone Hates Katherine Heigl, And Gerard Butler, Gender Stereotypes.
3. Batman & Robin Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy, Bane Pre Tom Hardy, Clooney, Schwarzenegger, Puns, "If revenge is a dish best served cold, then put on your Sunday finest. It's time to feast!"
2. Fool's Gold How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days...Cont'd., Treasure Hunting, Pretty People Can't Really Be Funny.
1. The Next Karate Kid Hilary Swank Before She Became a "Serious" Actress, Better Than the First 3 (yes 3!), Orphans, Tough Love.
**Honorable Mention**
The movies that somehow got not-so-terrible reviews, but we're still embarrassed about...in quotes!:
- Face Off (91%) "I'm gonna take your face...off"
- Tremors (88%) "That's how they git you. They're under the goddamned ground!"
- The Parent Trap (86%) "So if your mom is my mom and my dad is your dad...and we're both born on October 11th, then you and I are...like...sisters."
- The 5th Element (71%) "Are you classified as human?" "Negative, I am a meat popsicle"
- Bring It On (64%) "I am a choreographer. That's what I do. You are cheerleaders. Cheerleaders are dancers who have gone retarded...Follow me, or perish, sweater monkeys."
- From Dusk Till Dawn (64%) "Why, out of all the God-forsaken shitholes in Mexico, do we have to meet here?"
- Starship Troopers (63%) "I'm from Buenos Aires, and I say kill 'em all!"
- Clue (62%) "Husbands should be like Kleenex: soft, strong and disposable"
- Deep Blue Sea (56%) "Ooh, I'm done! Brothers never make it out of situations like this! Not Ever!"
- Con Air (55%) "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I have the only gun on board. Welcome to Con Air."
- The Mummy (55%) "I've never seen a mummy look like this before. He's still...still..." "...juicy."
