The Philadelphia Wings are leaving town — here's why you should care
Please note: This article is published as an archive copy from Philadelphia City Paper. My City Paper is not affiliated with Philadelphia City Paper. Philadelphia City Paper was an alternative weekly newspaper in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The last edition was published on October 8, 2015.
We paved over our colosseum and put in a vomitorium.
Okay, maybe you shouldn't bother caring at this point. The time to care about Philadelphia's long-running professional indoor lacross team was earlier, when you could've gone to a game but you didn't. I myself have not been to a game in years and I usually only went because I got tickets as a Christmas gift. Now they're moving away. But here are reasons it's not cool that we're losing our Wings.
1. Indoor Lacrosse is rare and weird. It's true. Purists will swear by the virtues of the outdoor version, but purists are almost always stupid. Who wants to watch the ball sail out of bounds all the time? Idiots do. Walls are much better. The ball stays in play after it hits a wall. Also, you can check people into a wall.
2. Wings games were fun as a once-in-a-while type thing. Especially, years ago, when the team didn't need to try to appeal to kids so much to stay afloat. Back then it was rowdy, and the Spectrum felt more like a colosseum than the ball pit at IKEA. But even at the end, the taunting and jeering felt whole-hearted — even as the room felt emptier and the the Sponge Bob sing-along was going on. Oh lord, the shrieking.
3. They played music during the games. Seriously. "Kickstart My Heart" and "Welcome to the Jungle" and all kinds of stupid aggro stuff. Unlike other sports, where the music stops when the puck drops or the timeout is over, the National Lacrosse League has no problem with making it part of the game. That the music was largely terrible is beside the point.
4. The fans were nuts. Not beat-you-up nuts, but weirdos who got into character via facepaint, headgear and costumes.
5. The Wings were here for 28 freaking seasons, apparently, and won six championships during that time. That's more titles than any other pro franchise in town. That's actually more than everybody else combined, right? Think so. I know, it's just lacrosse.
6. We lost the Wings because our resident cable giant of choice tore down the not-even-slightly-dillapidated Spectrum to make room for the XFinity Live Vomitorium/Frat Food Court. As a result, the Wings were forced to play at the much larger (and nicer), much more expensive Wells Fargo Center. Expenses and ticket prices went up. Attendance went down. Satan laughing spreads his wings.
