The Bell Curve: Our weekly quality-of-life-o-meter
Please note: This article is published as an archive copy from Philadelphia City Paper. My City Paper is not affiliated with Philadelphia City Paper. Philadelphia City Paper was an alternative weekly newspaper in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The last edition was published on October 8, 2015.
Jokes about the news.
[+1] Mayor Nutter and Police Commissioner Ramsey apologize to a West Philly family whose door was busted open by detectives who didn’t have a warrant and were looking for someone who hadn’t lived there in years. Aw. Bet you do that for all the terrorized citizens whose stories make the front page of the Daily News.
[+2] Republican State Rep. John Taylor propo-
ses a bill that would make it legal to buy
alcohol in other states and bring it into Pennsylvania. Instead of “basically legal.”
[0] A Penn State student is being called a “squirrel whisperer” because she dresses up a squirrel known as Sneezy and posts pictures of it online. “Whisper? She yells at me the entire time,” says Sneezy. “I would pray for the sweet release of death if I wasn’t certain she’d dress me up in an adorable Lenin outfit and put me in a glass case. Achoo.”
[0] UPenn launches the President’s Engagement Prizes program, which awards $150,000 to recent grads. Also known as the Freshman Year Tuition Reimbursement Program.
[+2] City Controller Alan Butkovitz says the School District should display the 200-plus pieces of art currently kept in storage. “Specifically, they should be displayed at auction houses.”
[+1] Delaware receives federal funding to fight the white-nose syndrome currently endangering the state’s bat population. “Hey, you try keeping bat hours without white-nosing it,” says Stephanie, Lord of the Bats.
[-3] A man is accused of trying to take photos up a woman’s skirt in a Radnor supermarket, his second such offense. “More like these exhibitionist ladies keep photobombing my pictures of interesting ceilings!”
[+1] A new documentary tells the story of a 90-year-old man and his decades-long campaign to have his song “I’m From New Jersey” become the official state song. Instead of the official state excuse.
This week’s total: +4 | Last week’s total: -3
