The Bell Curve: When news breaks, we make jokes
Please note: This article is published as an archive copy from Philadelphia City Paper. My City Paper is not affiliated with Philadelphia City Paper. Philadelphia City Paper was an alternative weekly newspaper in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The last edition was published on October 8, 2015.
[+3] Philadelphia Theatre Company could be rescued from financial ruin by a reorganization plan proposed by Suzanne Roberts and Comcast exec David L. Cohen. The downside? From now on they’ll only be performing triple plays.
[0] A judge rules that cash-strapped Girard College is not allowed to cease its high school and boarding programs. Well, until it actually runs out of money, rather than coming perilously close to running out of money.
[0] The planned W and Element hotels will add 755 hotel rooms to Center City. “Good,” says the pope. “I roll with a pretty big crew.”
[-1] So far, efforts to have Joe Frazier’s Gym on North Broad Street declared a historical
landmark have been unsuccessful. Sorry, Joe. We like our legendary boxers fictional.
[-2] NBC-10 warns about web-based rumors of a “Philadelphia Purge” — a night of murder and mayhem — inspired by the horror movie series. Not to be outdone, CBS-3 does a story about the dangers of adolescent tortoises with martial-arts skills menacing the city.
[-4] A caption in the Philadelphia Public Record refers to Asians photographed at a fundraiser as “Chinky Winky” and “Dinky Doo.” “On the upside,” says publisher Jimmy Tayoun, “we finally got some people I don’t know personally to pick up the paper.”
[0] After first calling the racially insensitive caption in the Public Record a “proofreading error,” Tayoun announces he has fired the employee responsible. “It’s a shame. Cracker T. Whittington was one fine copy editor,” sighs Tayoun. “Anyway, we expect good things from the new guy, Honky McKlansman.”
[+1] According to a new study, Philly has more bicycling commuters than any other big city. Joey Vento spins in his grave, then resumes reading the most recent issue of the Philadelphia Public Record.
This week’s total: -3 | Last week’s total: -1
