The Bell Curve: When news breaks, we make jokes
Please note: This article is published as an archive copy from Philadelphia City Paper. My City Paper is not affiliated with Philadelphia City Paper. Philadelphia City Paper was an alternative weekly newspaper in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The last edition was published on October 8, 2015.
[+4] SEPTA announces it will begin 24-hour service on Fridays and Saturdays this summer. And, come July, if you find yourself at Tasker/Morris counting rats to take your mind off the sound of your sweat drip-drip-dripping onto the tile floor, remember: You wanted this.
[+3] Inquirer architecture critic Inga Saffron wins a Pulitzer Prize. “As with all things I have ever seen or heard or felt,” says Saffron, “this award leaves me deeply, eloquently nonplussed.”
[+1] Natalie Merchant confiscates cell phones from concertgoers at World Café Live. Which is weird because, in our minds, Natalie Merchant is stuck in 1993 and should have no idea what a cell phone is. Like, did she turn them over to the guy from Stereo MCs, like, Dude, what the hell are these things?
[-2] A new study shows that drivers in Montgomery and Chester counties are the most likely in the area to get pulled over for texting while driving. Whereas drivers in Philly do not pull over for any reason.
[-1] Comcast is reportedly looking to get into the cell phone business. Thanks to Natalie Merchant’s hands-on data-mining operation.
[-1] SEPTA’s chief officer in charge of the plan to switch to smart cards “retires” to take a job with the company that makes the smart card system. “I’m really more of a top,” he says.
[0] Sixers basketball fans launch the NBArrassing campaign, to petition the league to change its drafting rules so teams don’t benefit from losing games at the end of a bad season. “Should we bother pointing out that we’re not losing on purpose?” asks Sixer #1. “Nah. Let’s just keep on playing our hearts out and losing and eventually this season will end,” says Sixer #2. “Didn’t we used to have names?” asks Sixer #3. “Not sure,” says Sixer #4, “and should we really be having this conversation in the middle of a game like this?” Sixer #5, by the way, has not spoken in quite some time.
This week’s total: +4 | Last week’s total: -11
