The Bell Curve: When news breaks, we make jokes
Please note: This article is published as an archive copy from Philadelphia City Paper. My City Paper is not affiliated with Philadelphia City Paper. Philadelphia City Paper was an alternative weekly newspaper in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The last edition was published on October 8, 2015.
7 jokes about this week's news.
[+2] Philadelphia will attempt to woo visiting Democratic Party bigwigs to hold their 2016 convention here with fine dining, sports jerseys and a tour of the area. And,of course, our famous Cavalcade of Bellowing Teamsters, cheering them on as they walk to and from their shuttle buses.
[-3] Shepard Fairey’s new mural in Fishtown looks a lot like the logo he designed for his new line of Hennessy cognac. The mural is immediately shrouded in a brown paper bag as per local tradition.
[+1] After four years of campaigning, the blogger behind zoowithroy.com finally goes to the Zoo with former Phillies pitcher Roy Halladay. And, as expected, the attraction is immediate, and the two just start going at it, right there in front of the Galápagos tortoises.
[-1] The city considers shortening the Mummers’ New Year’s Day parade route — from City Hall to Washington Avenue and skipping South Philly. Or, and we’re just throwing this out there, maybe the Mummers could just mill around in the storm drains between Pat’s and Geno’s for a couple hours.
[+2] CHOP announces it will open a nonprofit breast milk bank. Right next to the Cold Hands Creamery. Bell Curve immediately regrets that joke.
[-2] A doctor who formerly practiced in Philly is tied to an anti-Western insurgent group in Afghanistan. “Ha ha, I learned a lot about working with militant fanatics from dealing with Eagles fans,” he says. “But seriously, death to America.”
[+10] Philadelphia’s Taney Dragons, led by female pitcher Mo’ne Davis, advance to the Little League World Series. Look, it’s been a rough couple weeks and this story’s nothing but good news. So, yeah: plus 10 and no joke. Bring the heat, Mo’ne.
This week’s total: +9 | Last week’s total: -5
