The Bell Curve: When news breaks, we make jokes
Please note: This article is published as an archive copy from Philadelphia City Paper. My City Paper is not affiliated with Philadelphia City Paper. Philadelphia City Paper was an alternative weekly newspaper in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The last edition was published on October 8, 2015.
[-2] A harness racer, who was severely injured in a crash at Harrah’s in Chester, files suit against the racetrack for allegedly unsafe conditions. “Especially the part where they put people in wheelbarrows and have horses drag them around.”
[+1] The city will officially designate a small stretch of North Third Street as “N3RD Street” because of all the small tech companies based there. “Tech” in this case means “artisanal fitted T-shirts.”
[0] Only one coyote was killed during the two-and-a-half-month hunting season in Delaware, leading wildlife officials to conclude that the coyote population there is fairly small. “In fact, it might’ve just been the one coyote, total. And, well, when you got up close, it looked an awful lot like a Lhasa Apso. It had a collar and a little ribbon.”
[+2] Philly Tech Week this year will turn the light display on the side of the Cira Centre into a giant game of Tetris. Just look for it at the corner of N3RDieth Street and Pr0l0ng3d Ad0l3sc3nc3 Avenue.
[+3] The Free Library announces an open call for local artists to redesign libraries around the city. So far, most of the entries just call for slapping stickers all over everything.
[-1] Police are searching for an Amish horse and buggy that allegedly hit an SUV twice before fleeing the scene. Witnesses say that’s the buggy right over there. Where they’re pointing.
[+2] UArts grad Joseph Menna is hired to design a 597-foot-tall statue in India — the largest in the world. “I’m gonna do the figure in polished bronze,” says Menna. “And then I’m just gonna slap stickers all over it.”
[-2] Only minor injuries are reported when a US Airways plane blows a tire during takeoff at Philly International and skids to a stop on its nose. Over the weekend, several people mimicked the feat, as if in tribute, in front of Finnegan’s Wake.
This week’s total: +3 | Last week’s total: +3
