The Bell Curve: When news breaks, we make jokes
Please note: This article is published as an archive copy from Philadelphia City Paper. My City Paper is not affiliated with Philadelphia City Paper. Philadelphia City Paper was an alternative weekly newspaper in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The last edition was published on October 8, 2015.
[-3] If the Comcast merger with Time Warner goes through, the company will become the most popular Internet provider in 27 states. And, because the word popular is meaningless, Comcast will also be the least popular. And, because they pretty much have a monopoly, popularity does not affect their business plan one way or another.
[+1] According to a new poll, 85 percent of Pennsylvanians think medical marijuana should be legal. The remaining 15 percent are the state legislature.
[-2] Six men are arrested in a prostitution sting in King of Prussia. The men say they’re hoping to get off with a warning and/or a stranger.
[-1] The accused “Swiss cheese masturbator” turns himself in to face additional charges. Still, he says he’s hoping to get off with a warning and/or a Reuben.
[+2] The Streets Department tweets that a Center City Wendy’s was fined $100 for shoveling snow into the street. Sounds like someone at the Streets Department was feeling a little *Frosty* this week! :-) lol <3
[+1] UPenn announces plans for a “Pennovation Center” along the Schuylkill with labs and flex-use buildings. Totally one-upping the Center for the Advancement of Drexual Healing.
[+1] A beer garden will open adjacent to Independence Mall on July 4. Oh good, because we were wondering exactly when and where our next big national embarrassment would take place.
[+1] The Huffington Post publishes a piece titled “31 Reasons Philadelphia Is the Most Underrated City in America.” But you know what, you guys? Right now we’re feeling like our schools suck, our streets are a frozen turdscape and ever since Questlove left, our most famous citizen is a guy who uses cheese to jerk off. Maybe we’re rated pretty much on-target.
This week’s total: 0 | Last week’s total: +3
