November 25–December 2, 1999

music

Fear Not the Eye

California’s The Aquabats are coming to destroy The Floating Eye of Death (even though it can’t be destroyed).

by Hillary Rea

December 5, 1998 — Pomona, CA Hundreds (well, maybe dozens) of young adults, clad in anti-negativity helmets and rash guards (sort of like wet suits), scurried into a local venue, the Glasshouse. This eager bunch of devotees anxiously contemplated plots of world domination, although most were just anxious to win some awards. No, this is not a Star Trek convention. Behold the annual Aquabat Aqua-cadet summit — a haven for Aquabats fans everywhere (or at least the Southern California region) to unite and rejoice in Aquabat bliss. Perhaps you’re wondering what exactly an Aqua-cadet is, or an Aquabat for that matter. Well, as Cadet #2218, it is my duty to educate the utterly confused.

The Aquabats hail from the island of Aquabania. Rumor has it that long ago this group of eight (sometimes nine) drifted towards the sandy shores of California and was taken in by a kindly Professor. Their lives are consumed with fighting dastardly villains such as Powdered Milk Man, Cyclopsenstein and their newest foe, The Floating Eye of Death. Oh yeah… and singing about them. Along with fighting evil in its many nefarious forms, The Aquabats are also a band.

During a recent telephone encounter with The Bat Commander (a.k.a. Christian Richard Jacobs, but don’t call him that), I received the following update on the Floating Eye’s activities: "Ultimately we have found that The Floating Eye of Death is near indestructible. We haven’t found a weakness yet. Because it is The Floating Eye of Death, and it’s hanging over everyone, we’re pleased just to get through the day. If there’s not that much carnage after he comes, then we’re OK."

As The Aquabats travel across the United States exposing kids everywhere to their zany, churros-fueled music (their secret power comes from Mexican desserts), The Floating Eye of Death hovers close behind. Or maybe it doesn’t. The Commander later ’fessed up that the carnage does not actually exist. "To be honest, [the Floating Eye] hasn’t actually killed anyone… But when people are paralyzed with fear sometimes that’s worse than dying.… Be not afraid, children, The Aquabats are here to destroy The Floating Eye of Death. Even though it can’t be destroyed."

Still confused? Read on.

Real or not, friend or foe, perhaps just a figment of The Aquabats’ overactive imaginations, some good has come of the Floating Eye mess. The Aquabats vs. The Floating Eye of Death And Other Amazing Adventures — Vol. 1, just out on Goldenvoice Records, updates the band’s surf-ska-pop format. The Floating Eye has inspired them to "mutate and grow" into a more mature sound, reminiscent at times of crazed conceptualists Oingo Boingo and Devo. Their elaborate stage show often features loony antics by the band and their friend the Magic Chicken (who sometimes pelts the crowd with stickers and frozen chicken products) and enemy Marshmallow Man (ditto, with marshmallows). They sometimes square off with their official archenemies, The Sandfleas. But it’s not all fun and games. According to their tour diary (www.theaquabats.com), they’ve been known to present educational lessons on homonyms and the art of sign language — a combination sure to make any Cadet grin with glee.

The Aqua-cadets are ready to fight the opposition, real or imagined, at any time. The Commander describes a Cadet as "the type of person it takes to be an Aquabat.… A person that obviously can see the irony in everything around us.… It seems like Aqua-cadets are the kids that understand that everything is pretty much silly." With the number of devoted Cadets continually expanding (since the band’s opening slot on ’98’s Warped tour, membership has increased from 800 to over 2,000), the Aquabats do not want to limit their annual summits to the West Coast. Since airfare is prohibitive to many of the cadets, the band hopes to develop an Aqua-cadet Summit Tour, holding intimate soirees across the U.S. But the nationwide summits are only in the planning stages due to the band’s hectic foe-fighting schedule. Says the Commander: "We have to get organized, ’cause unfortunately even though we are superdudes, we’re still human. And humans sometimes don’t really know what they’re doing."

The band is also in negotiations for a Saturday-morning -type Aquabats television series. But ongoing battles with "the Man" — Disney — over the show’s format have stalled things.

"They’d be like, ‘Why don’t you guys be in your costumes, but we’ll make it like The Real World or something,’" explains The Bat Commander, laughing. "I was like, ‘Yeah, a lot of people will really like that.’"

But The Bat Commander remains enthusiastic about the show, hoping to shop it elsewhere once their contract with Disney expires. "I’m still hanging on.… I’m holding onto the wing of an airplane."

So maybe battling ominous optical organs isn’t all that different from fighting CEOs. It’s all about being fearless, and that’s what he hopes to pass on to us faithful cadets.

"Everything’s all good ’cause The Aquabats, we make a powerful catalyst for not being afraid," The Bat Commander states boldly. "If you can wear a rubber helmet and spandex shirts in concert then that’s a message right there: ‘Don’t be afraid kids!’"

The Aquabats will play Tue., Nov. 30 with The Hippos and Lucky #7 at the Trocadero, 10th and Arch Sts., 215-922-LIVE.

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