Ask Papa: You are what you wheat
Please note: This article is published as an archive copy from Philadelphia City Paper. My City Paper is not affiliated with Philadelphia City Paper. Philadelphia City Paper was an alternative weekly newspaper in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The last edition was published on October 8, 2015.
Dear Papa: Seems like all my friends are claiming to be allergic to wheat these days. How can I put up with all these self-diagnosed wimps? Whatever happened to going out for beers and sandwiches? —Sing Another Song for Wheats
Dear Sing: Rum is made from molasses. It is very good poured over crushed ice with lime and grapefruit. Wine is made from grapes, which have no wheat in them. Wine is also very good. Cows eat wheat, but steak has no wheat in it, and fish eat whatever they find but they have no wheat either, though they are best when they are fried with some flour. You do not need beer and sandwiches to eat and drink with your friends. But if they are not allergic to wheat, then they are liars. You will always know in your heart that you cannot trust them. Consider them dead to you. —Papa
Dear Papa: One of my close friends has terrible B.O. I don’t know if this is somehow an intentional statement, or if she is oblivious. Should I say something? —Odor in Olney
Dear Odor: There are two choices. If it is intentional, then she should appreciate that you have noticed the work she is doing. If she is unaware, then someone should tell her. It seems like the answer is simple — you should thoughtfully approach it with your friend, being careful not to offend her. Unless you are a coward, then the answer is simpler: Never speak of it again. —Papa
Dear Papa: What do you do if you lent a book to an ex-romantic partner, and you want the book back, but you never want to talk to your ex again? —Bookish in Bella Vista
Dear Bookish: Buy a new book. —Papa
