A good spanking really turns me on

The fastest way to turn me on is to spank me. I don't know why I have such a Pavlovian response to a hand crashing down hard on my butt, but it's one of my favorite sexual activities ever.

It's not like this is for everyone, but for me, just getting on my hands and knees — my usual position to be spanked — is enough to excite me. Anticipating the first smack reminds me that even if I think I know what's coming, I never really do.

Maybe it'll be hard, or maybe more of a tap; as a submissive, giving up control (within that limited context) is integral to my enjoyment. Asking for it adds another level of intimacy.

Then there are the actual smacks. Do they hurt? Yes, but it's not the same as other types of pain. First, because I'm expecting and eagerly anticipating it. A good spanking isn't only about my butt, but my entire body. I also know the person is doing it because I (and they) want it, not because I'm being punished. Though I might be "punished" as part of a consensual role-playing scene, there is no true anger behind it.

Because spanking gets me in the mood, I usually use it as a prelude to sex, but plenty of people enjoy spanking as their main course. I love the intimacy of a hand spanking, especially since I know from having delivered my fair share of them that the spanker also emerges with tingling skin. I've been spanked with hands, paddles, rulers, hairbrushes, even a book. (I'm partial to furry paddles that can follow their blows with some sensual TLC by turning them over.)

Even though there are plenty of implements that can be used, you don't need any of them to deliver a quality spanking.

Giving a spanking can make you feel wicked and powerful, especially when it leaves the spankee drooling and docile. It's free and can be done pretty much anywhere, with no need to plan ahead (though you may be overheard, which can be part of the fun). There are endless variations: over underwear or bare-skinned, with a vibrator against your genitals, in positions such as over-the-knee, bent over a bed or leaning against the wall.

I also like that spanking can be light and playful, or immensely serious. I've giggled and trembled and even cried welcome tears as a result. Depending on how hard you do it, you can make sure they remember the spanking for days to come.

If you and/or your partner haven't tried it before, don't just assume either one of you will like it. (That's also good advice for any sexual activity.) If you're not sure how to bring it up, watch a movie like Secretary, where the spankings James Spader gives Maggie Gyllenhaal are sexy with a playful air.

Or, use light strokes or pinches of your lover's ass; if they wiggle and press against you, you can gently tap them to test out the sensation, for you and for them, then ask in a seductive, casual way, "Would you like a little spanking?"

One thing people tend to assume is that the only person taking an emotional and physical risk with spanking is the person on the receiving end. Not so. Having the honor of being the top also comes with responsibility. You have to make sure you are hitting the padded part of their butt (thighs are OK too), not bony spots like the hip. Even if you've given thousands of spankings and think you know how much a person can take, you should still check in with them to see how they're doing. Give yourself a mental check-in, too; are you enjoying it? Would you rather approach it from another angle?

Spanking isn't everyone's cup of tea; don't let anyone talk you into it if you know it's not your thing. But if you're curious, it's worth exploring, and may leave you asking for more.

Rachel Kramer Bussel is the author of the essay collection Sex & Cupcakes and editor of over 50 erotica anthologies, most recently Hungry for More and The Big Book of Submission. She tweets @raquelita.