ugh

‘Hide from your bride’ Philly event magnifies the problems with wedding planning, marriage, society…

Please note: This article is published as an archive copy from Philadelphia City Paper. My City Paper is not affiliated with Philadelphia City Paper. Philadelphia City Paper was an alternative weekly newspaper in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The last edition was published on October 8, 2015.

Your Pinterest board is the only thing that matters, ladies. 

Hey, remember in late September when Jeopardy! took a shot at moving our attention from the glorious return of Alex Trebek’s moustache to something way more insulting? 

There were also questions about Sleepytime Tea and the perfect pair of pants. Whether Jeopardy! writers were confused and thought they were writing for SNL’s Celebrity Jeopardy! for a sec, women (and men, people, everyone) were up in arms about such tone-deaf reinforcement of gender roles and stereotypes.

Ugh, women — so dramatic, right? Get over it, it was supposed to be funny, feminism is outdated, a catcall is a compliment, #notallmen, etc., etc.

Well, not to worry — men have insulting gender roles thrust upon them, too.

Tavern on Broad knows What Men Want, and it’s not Pilates or chamomile tea or ass-hugging jeans — it’s beer and avoiding your wife.

From a press release:

Hide from your bride during The Bellevue Gets Engaged! Visit our MAN CAVE … Tavern on Broad has just announced that it will host a "Man Cave" on Sunday, October 12 during the 5th annual Bellevue Gets Engaged. Guys can drink from a $20 bottomless beer glass and watch football at the Tavern while their fiancées tour the grand historic Hyatt at the Bellevue at an all-inclusive event showcasing 40 of Philadelphia's most renowned local partners devoted with their unique expertise to servicing the Bridal Industry.

The event will boast a celebrity panel sharing expert bridal advice with our guests, answering bride's top engagement and wedding event related questions, lending trade secrets on everything from selecting the perfect gown, to 'How To's' on bringing your bridal Pinterest inspirations and visions to life! 

As a woman who is, naturally, not in control of her emotions and making a big fucking deal out of nothing, God, just take a joke and smile once in a while, baby, let me say that I’m not sure what’s most irksome:

1. The implication that my soon-to-be-husband would, before we’re even married, want to get away from me so badly that he’d hide in a Broad Street basement while ostensibly smashing glasses with his head and shotgunning 40 oz. porterhouses;

2. That advertising continues to perpetuate the unfair notion that men only want to do the above, are simple, beer-swilling cavemen, are bad dads or stupid, and;

3. That I, as a woman, would rather tour a Hyatt and gush orgasmically over my Pinterest board than have a beer and watch sports myself.

Look — some men like football and beer. So do some women. Some women like Pinterest and finding the perfect gown, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Some, however, don’t.

But an invitation that amounts to little more than, “Hey, bros, shut yourself into a bar so you don’t have to see your whiney wife’s face for two blissful hours and let her take care of the woman stuff,” doesn’t exactly offer a ringing endorsement of marriage, or the already stressful process of planning a wedding. It’s a “joke,” I guess, but perhaps soon-to-be-married-people events could, truly, try to even things out a bit?

Because personally, and I doubt I'm alone, I'd much sooner ditch the “bridal” showcase and bring the person who I’m about to marry — from whom I’d, hopefully, not want to hide — to an “engagement” showcase, one where he might actually want to participate. Maybe one that would present some live bands and DJs we could consider hiring, have a variety of vendors offering party favors beyond His & Hers crystal picture frames and showcase bakeries with some cool groom’s cakes.

And give me a chance to drink some beer, too. #notallwomen drink exclusively white wine and vodka tonics.

Oh, and: Bonus Daily Show coverage of B.S. gender advertising, this time in politics (you know, the whole Tom Corbett Say Yes to the Dress ad) here

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