Pinch my nipples, please
Please note: This article is published as an archive copy from Philadelphia City Paper. My City Paper is not affiliated with Philadelphia City Paper. Philadelphia City Paper was an alternative weekly newspaper in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The last edition was published on October 8, 2015.
"Nipple play is the probably the best foreplay."
Sex coach and blogger Jerome Stuart Nichols, who writes at ltasex.com
My nipples are the most sensitive part of my body. They react to the slightest touch, sometimes with ticklishness, sometimes craving bites, slaps or twists so hard they bring happy tears to my eyes.
Yet, nipple sensitivity varies wildly from one person to another. Not everyone likes the intensity I do. How can you tell? How can you up the ante for those who like it rough? I asked nipple-play enthusiast Jerome Stuart Nichols, a sex coach and blogger at ltasex.com, for pointers.
First: Start slow. Don't go from looking at a nipple to torturing it immediately. Ask what your lover wants, or literally feel them out. "When I'm making out, I rub my hand across the person's chest," says Nichols. "That allows you to touch their nipples and see if they respond. If they squirm a little, you're more apt to know that they like nipple play."
Nichols says using your breath is a simple but powerful form of nipple stimulation. "You lick it, and then once it's moist, it's very sensitive to hot air," he explains. "It's very calming; it feels good but there's no shock of pleasure." An ice cube, or a mouth that's been chilled by one, can also heighten the response.
Nichols' blog post "11 kinky ways to pleasure your nipples," includes advanced methods like hot wax and biting. Before the very idea scares you off, know that you can just be playful, too; nipple play isn't all about intense BDSM.
To feel out rougher terrain, Nichols suggests trying something you probably already have at home: a chip clip. If those hurt so good, you may want to try nipple clamps, which cost around $15 (more for ones with special features like vibration).
"Nipple clamps are like a cock ring for the nipple. They clamp down, let blood flow build up inside of them and make them even more sensitive and tender," says Nichols. "Get non-pointy adjustable ones that are completely covered in silicone or metal."
Nipple clamps do hurt, but I've found that once I get past the moment they slide on, a warmth settles over me that extends through my body. My senses are heightened; I crave deeper penetration, rougher kisses. Plus there's the rush when the clamps come off and the blood flows back in. That's when the real nipple fun can begin. Then, "they are hypersensitive," explains Nichols. "If you lick or rub it or run a feather over it, the feeling is going to be amplified."
Be careful; Nichols advises using the clamps for 20 minutes tops; 10 if they're on extra tight. You can take them on and off for a kinky version of interval training. You can also use a finger vibrator like the PicoBong Ipo to stimulate the nipple or surrounding area.
One thing I love about nipple play is that it's an equal-opportunity activity. You don't even need a partner. "When I play with my nipples, it's like this hyper connection between my brain and my dick," says Nichols. People of all genders can get turned on by it, but Nichols, who's gay, says straight men are less comfortable having their nipples touched.
Pop culture's fixation on women's breasts as sex objects may be to blame. (Have you seen Kate Upton in the ad for Game of War: Fire Age?) "The fact that you can see a man shirtless on TV means that part of a man's body is not sexualized in any way," says Nichols.
He encourages men especially to give it a try, noting that because the chest is such a vulnerable area, and "men don't like to be vulnerable," they may be cautious. But nipples aren't just for women to enjoy. The chest "is where your heart is, it's where your lungs are. It's a very delicate area, and those are the places you want to be touched the most."
For those who like it, "nipple play is probably the best foreplay," says Nichols. "It's quick to get your mind ready, which makes for much hotter sex." So start with a kiss, or a lick. The results just may surprise you.
✚ Rachel Kramer Bussel is the author of the essay collection Sex & Cupcakes and editor of over 50 erotica anthologies, most recently Hungry for More and The Big Book of Submission.
She tweets @raquelita.
