It’s Sex O’Clock, time for a weekend romp

"Hormones and circadian rhythms affect when people feel frisky."

My boyfriend likes to joke that my vagina shuts down after eight o’clock. It’s funny because it’s true. After dinner I want to curl up and watch TV, not get it on. I don’t have enough energy to do justice to sex. 

Much of this is a function of living together. When I was single, evening was prime time for sex because that’s when dates happened. Now, weekends are when I prefer to hop into bed. We can sleep in, lounge around afterward and then enjoy the rest of our day. This penchant for weekend sex is in keeping with Adam & Eve’s 2011 Great American Sex Survey, which found 30 percent of respondents preferred Saturday romps, with Fridays and Sundays the runners-up. 

According to sex and relationship coach Krista Haapala, “Hormones and circadian rhythms affect when people feel frisky. Additionally, quality of hydration, food, sleep and exercise can affect when and how often people crave sex.” In other words, “It’s not you, it’s my body,” is a perfectly legitimate way to postpone sex to a more lively time.

To work around our differing arousal schedules, my boyfriend and I may sneak in a quickie before he leaves in the morning, but then I lose out on the cuddling. Sometimes, if I’m horny while my guy’s at work, I’ll email him to let him know. Maybe we’ll plan a sex date for when he walks in the door, or trade a few naughty emails. Either way, I get to include him in my afternoon arousal.

“If you’re most interested in sex when your partner isn’t interested or isn’t available, consider doing something for yourself at that time,” sex coach Stella Harris suggests — whether that’s masturbation or a bubble bath. I like this idea, because it acknowledges that sex isn’t just about what we do with other people, but is far more personal. Your partner doesn’t have to meet your every sex need. 

I’m not the only one who craves sex at a given time. Writer Ree Croteau likes sex at night to help with her insomnia and add intimacy. “I’m not necessarily more aroused then,” she explains, “but I tend to feel very emotionally close to my partner afterward. Curling up in that sensation and relaxing is nice.” Her husband, though, likes morning sex because he feels ready to face the day post-orgasm. Add two kids to get to school into the mix and for her, “Morning sex feels like one more chore. If it happens, it’s very focused on him. I end up finding some personal time later in the afternoon.”

Couples who have different peak sex times have to find ways to compromise in order to maximize their pleasure. Harris says the main issue isn’t always about sex itself, and encourages people to ask, “What is the underlying need? If it’s a matter of orgasm — perhaps one partner likes to orgasm before bed to relax and get sleep — how about trying mutual masturbation or just one partner masturbating while the other snuggles up or holds their hand?”

Jake (not his real name) offered a male perspective. He says daytime sex is preferable because “men like things visual, and daytime romps mean we get to see everything.” He gets morning wood, but his night-owl lover prefers sleeping in. Their solution? Sex in the shower, after his workout. A bonus: She says 2 p.m. is when he’s at his hardest. They don’t need to spend a long time getting wet to fully enjoy each other.

I’m planning to take inspiration from Alison Tyler’s erotica anthology Morning, Noon and Night, in which 24 characters get it on at every hour of the day. I don’t want to get stuck in a rut or be too selfish. Sure, I have my preferences, but I can still mix it up.

: Rachel Kramer Bussel (rachelkramerbussel.com) is the author of the essay collection Sex & Cupcakes and editor of over 50 erotica anthologies, most recently Hungry for More and The Big Book of Submission. She tweets @raquelita.