With personal lube, slippery when wet

Lube is fun to use, it's slick, slippery and playful.

The columnist's lubricant of choice

I haven't always been the devotee of personal lubricant that I am today. For many years, it was a must-have only during anal sex. But when I hit my late 30s, I wasn't as wet as I used to be, or wanted to be. Enter lube.

That's when I realized how much I had been missing. Lube is fun to use, it's slick, slippery and playful. It's also relatively cheap, and can work for anyone regardless of gender.

The lube market has come a long way, and there are now plenty of easily accessible options to address all kinds of sexual needs. You can find organic lubes, flavored lubes, even Foria, a lube made with cannabis oil (and only for sale to California residents). One of my personal favorites is überlube, which feels sleek but isn't sticky.

With all this variety of choices, the next natural step is for lube packets to be given out wherever condoms are offered (like high schools and college dorms), so everyone can get the message early that personal lubricants can be a normal, everyday part of sex, rather than an "extra" or specialty item.

Sex educator Andrea Renae was fortunate to discover lube as a teenager via an LGBTQ youth group. That's served her well, because "there are some days where sex is impossible without lube," she says.

Her medical history factors into her use. "I have absolutely noticed a greater need for lube after extended [long-term] use of antidepressants and also long-term use of birth-control pills," she says. Since doctors often leave out details on sexual side effects, she says it's important to ask questions before taking any new medication.

Lube has been a lifesaver for 46-year-old "mostly straight" Dorothy, who never gets very wet even when she's turned on, all the way through orgasm. This has made sex challenging for her, so much so that the first time she tried to have intercourse, she and her partner gave up because penetration was too painful.

Lube isn't just for partner sex, either. Sex toy reviewer Epiphora of HeyEpiphora.com says "lube makes everything better," and therefore uses some variety of it with every toy. She offers a few pointers to make sure your toys last as long as possible.

Silicone toys "tend to require the most lube," she explains. "Generally speaking, you don't want to use silicone-based lube with silicone toys, as silicone lube can bind to silicone and become difficult to remove." Good alternatives? Water- or oil-based lubricants, though it's important to remember that oil breaks down latex.

Another reviewer, Will of Mr. Will's House of Thrills, mainly uses lube with masturbation toys such as sleeves because, "most toys made for penises require lube unless you want a chafed penis." For manual stimulation, he suggested applying "thinner lubes because they don't dampen any sensation at all. I've tried lotion, shampoo, conditioner ... all of them led to some sort of intense discomfort."

I would not recommend using hair products, though the reverse — using a bit of lube to style your hair — can work in a pinch.

If you're a woman, even if you don't need a lubricant now, you are likely to require it in later years. As Joan Price writes in her book, The Ultimate Guide to Sex After Fifty, "Older women experience less natural lubrication, often not enough for comfortable penetration or even genital touching. Pair that with thinning vaginal tissues, and sex that used to make you go, 'Ooh!' can make you go, 'Ow!'"

Making lube a regular part of your sexual activity when you are younger will make it easier to remember to incorporate it down the road, and will very likely add some variety to your erotic encounters.

The next time you're in bed, why not get a little slippery?

Rachel Kramer Bussel is the author of the essay collection Sex & Cupcakes and editor of over 50 erotica anthologies, most recently Hungry for More and The Big Book of Submission.