The Bell Curve: Our weekly quality-of-life-o-meter
Please note: This article is published as an archive copy from Philadelphia City Paper. My City Paper is not affiliated with Philadelphia City Paper. Philadelphia City Paper was an alternative weekly newspaper in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The last edition was published on October 8, 2015.
"I think perhaps I shall allow them to feed and groom me before I slice their faces to ribbons."
[-3] Regional Rail engineers say they want SEPTA to follow a federal safety rule designed to limit driver fatigue, but SEPTA says it wants to continue to be waived from complying with the rule. “Our primary mission has always been to test the limits of human endurance. This goes for passengers as well as engineers.”
[-1] After the city of Reading puts up a Christ-mas tree many deem “ugly,” some residents start pooling money to buy a better one. “You guys know I died for this, right?” asks tree.
[+1] SEPTA issues a reminder to its passengers to not get too distracted with their smartphones in and around mass transit. “And remember to nudge the driver as the train approaches your station.”
[+2] Two activists are scrambling to rescue wild cats that live around Pier 70 on the Delaware before the weather becomes more severe. “They seem like nice people,” says cat. “I think perhaps I shall allow them to feed and groom me before I slice their faces to ribbons.”
[0] King of Prussia Mall announces plans to link the Court and the Plaza. It’s like the Golden Spike that completed the transcontinental railroad. The suburbs are now finished.
[0] Comcast launches a trial version of a new app that alerts customers when a technician is a half-hour away from arriving for an appointment. “Yes, one more intermediary layer between us and the customers,” says Brian Roberts, stroking his hairless sloth. “Then they will love us for sure.”
[+1] PATCO and SEPTA are working on a deal that may lead to an eventual fare-sharing system. If only they could agree on the issue of whether it’s OK to find somebody who’s really tired and put him in charge of metal tubes full of people.
This week’s total: 0 | Last week’s total: -2
