The Bell Curve: Our weekly quality-of-life-o-meter
Please note: This article is published as an archive copy from Philadelphia City Paper. My City Paper is not affiliated with Philadelphia City Paper. Philadelphia City Paper was an alternative weekly newspaper in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The last edition was published on October 8, 2015.
Wait, you mean the After-Hours Urinal Maze, right?
[+1] Bill Cosby resigns from the Temple University Board of Trustees. And tries to join the board at Penn State.
[+2] A new species of frog is discovered in South Jersey — the Atlantic Coast leopard frog, known for making groaning and coughing sounds instead of croaking. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll quit tomorrow,” says frog, ashing into a water lily. “You know, I tried the e-cig thing. Fucking embarrassing, man. I’m repping a whole species here.”
[-3] A Mayfair man previously convicted of slashing tires is arrested for allegedly puncturing tires using a homemade device made of glue traps and nails. Look, dude: You hate tires, we get that. But this is Mayfair. You wanna be a star? Put cheese on your wang.
[+1] The Christmas Village returns to Love Park and is expected to attract half a million visitors this season. Wait, you mean the After-Hours Urinal Maze, right?
[+3] After the Daily News runs a story about activists trying to care for the wild cats living along the Delaware before winter, several readers donate money and supplies. “Oh, hey, great, thanks for all the cash. And this was indeed a fancy feast,” says the Rev. Snarls, archbishop of the cats. “We’ll think of it fondly when we freeze to death this evening.”
[-1] Jamie Moyer quits his job as a Phillies broadcaster after one year. “You gotta know when to fold ’em,” he says.
[+1] A petition is filed to place a historical marker at the Grays Ferry McDonald’s where rapper Ol’ Dirty Bastard was arrested in 2000. “We’re already planning party buses to and from Manayunk,” exclaims one of the one million white people who think this is awesome, and believe themselves to be awesome by extension.
This week’s total: +4 | Last week’s total: 0
