The Bell Curve: Our weekly quality-of-life-o-meter
Please note: This article is published as an archive copy from Philadelphia City Paper. My City Paper is not affiliated with Philadelphia City Paper. Philadelphia City Paper was an alternative weekly newspaper in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The last edition was published on October 8, 2015.
We thought of some more fake names for judge-themed porn sites.
[0] Despite retiring early following his involvement in the government porn-email scandal, Judge Seamus McCaffery will still receive his $134,000 annual pension. So get ready for a windfall, gavelbangerz.com.
[+1] A $1 million Powerball ticket is sold in Philly. Never mind about that. We thought of some more fake names for judge-themed porn sites: deepostions.net, stenographuxxx.org, circleclerks.biz, wellhungjury.tv, jizzywigs.co.uk …
[+1] Despite the team’s 2-18 record, attendance is up at Sixers’ games this year over last. And they owe it all to that promotion where they randomly select the starting lineup from the crowd.
[+1] Hunters in Berks County, Pa., find an ATM. Sadly, they had to put it down, as the surcharges were insane.
[0] A hunter kills a 693-pound bear on the first day of New Jersey’s six-day bear hunt. Hey congrats, guy. Say, any money inside the bear? No? Just bear meat? Oh.
[-1] A Bucks County school guidance counselor is placed on administrative leave after tweeting that she would shoot the die-in protesters tying up traffic at the Eagles game. Pro-Tip: Murder-ins take even longer to clean up.
[+1] Talk, a novel about a conservative radio host written by Philly media personality Michael Smerconish, is being optioned to be turned into a TV series. Today’s topic: Does “personality” still mean anything in Obama’s America? Delores in Newtown, go ahead …
[-3] A U.S. Airways flight bound for Philly from Israel is forced to make an emergency stop in Rome after several passengers and crew members begin vomiting uncontrollably. It was prophesied that a nauseous, met-al bird would bring ill tidings to House Philadelphia. Brace yourself. Wing Bowl is coming.
This week’s total: 0 | Last week’s total: +4
