The Bell Curve: Our weekly quality-of-life-o-meter
Please note: This article is published as an archive copy from Philadelphia City Paper. My City Paper is not affiliated with Philadelphia City Paper. Philadelphia City Paper was an alternative weekly newspaper in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The last edition was published on October 8, 2015.
It was the worst of surnames, it was the best of surnames.
[0] Former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum is still strongly considering running for president, according to his strategist, John Brabender. It was the worst of surnames, it was the best of surnames.
[-1] Sixers teammates and longtime friends Nerlens Noel and Michael Carter-Williams are rumored to be feuding. They deny the rumor, saying that, like most fans, they did not even recognize those names.
[-2] Two brothers from Montgomery County are charged with stealing $500,000 worth of sewer grates and selling them for scrap. Do you want an alligator infestation? Because that’s how you get alligator infestations.
[+2] Camden begins its year-and-a-half process of tearing down abandoned houses, which they say are “crime factories.” And there goes Camden’s last thriving industry.
[0] Philly’s major league bocce program announces plans to play its game at Dilworth Park. OK, but we’re gonna call you a bunch of bro posers unless every team has a 70-year-old guy named Sal on its roster.
[0] ATV and dirt-bike riders from Philadelphia were allegedly part of a group that disrupted traffic in Miami. Serious question: Do you guys make the 19-hour drive down 95 on your little big wheels, or do you ship them?
[-1] The pope’s announced visit for September is disrupting plans for couples who were planning weddings around the same time. “Same-sex weddings I hope,” quips the pope, who’s maybe not as enlightened as we all like to pretend.
[0] After two years of planning, the giant $9.5 million digital billboard on the Lit Brothers building at Seventh and Market is activated. “And I think it really classes up the joint,” says local pigeon. “By the way, I eat garbage and shit where I sleep.”
This week’s total: -2 | The year so far: +6
