The Bell Curve: Our weekly quality-of-life-o-meter
Please note: This article is published as an archive copy from Philadelphia City Paper. My City Paper is not affiliated with Philadelphia City Paper. Philadelphia City Paper was an alternative weekly newspaper in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The last edition was published on October 8, 2015.
Why are we eating our sweatpants, you guys?
[+1] Comcast finally installs service for a Northern Liberties man who sent out an e-blast to reporters about his “Kafkaesque” ordeals with customer service. “Sir, if you dislike us so much, perhaps you should partake of a different cable company,” says the chief business strategist at Comcast, a man-size cockroach.
[0] Philadelphia tops web site Experian’s list of cities based on sweatpants consumption. It’s that last word that really hurts. Why are we eating our sweatpants, you guys?
[+1] By the end of 2015, all SEPTA vehicles will be equipped with GPS tracking. “And if that’s not enough, feel free to choose a different train company,” says SEPTA’s marketing manager, a gigantic rat in a conductor’s hat.
[0] According to Zagat Survey, Philadelphians are good tippers who like to eat bacon and steal things like salt shakers and silverware. Hmm. This makes us wonder if we’re overtipping.
[+2] Al Pacino performs with the Philadelphia Orchestra at the Academy of Music. “Oh, I’m going to have your job, shithead. I’m going downtown and talk to Mitch and Murray. I don’t care whose nephew you are, who you know, whose dick you’re sucking on,” Pacino yelled at the top of his lungs, delighting the audience with a monologue from Glengarry Glen Ross. “You ever take a dump made you feel like you’d just slept for 12 hours?”
[-1] Former Philly sportscaster Don Tollefson, who was accused of fraud and represented himself in court, is found guilty on all counts. Suddenly dressed as a bailiff, Tolly offers to lead himself to jail.
[+1] Rick Forman, the CEO of clothing outlet chain Forman Mills, is featured on an episode of CBS’s Undercover Boss. Clothing? Sounds like you’ve never chowed down at their sweatpants ’n’ fixins trough.
This week’s total: +4 | The year so far: +10
