The Bell Curve: Our weekly quality-of-life-o-meter
Please note: This article is published as an archive copy from Philadelphia City Paper. My City Paper is not affiliated with Philadelphia City Paper. Philadelphia City Paper was an alternative weekly newspaper in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The last edition was published on October 8, 2015.
"Who's got one thumb and has trouble guesstimating fuse lengths?"
[-2] A Germantown artist is on trial for making and detonating homemade “weapons of mass destruction,” including the one that blew off part of his right hand. “Who’s got one thumb and has trouble guesstimating fuse lengths?”
[+1] A monument proposed for a South Jersey park will pay tribute to an 1800s workhorse named Diligence, said to be the sire of 400 offspring. The statue depicts a horse sitting on a bag of ice and smoking a cigarette with an expression on its face like “OMG, my balls feel like empty Capri Sun pouches.”
[-1] Convention Center CEO John McNichol claims members of the Carpenters Union tampered with the auto show by pamphleting and disconnecting wires under the hoods of display cars. And by doing so, they accidentally crossed the picket line of Saboteurs Local 114.
[+1] West Philly underground rock venue Golden Tea House announces it will stop hosting shows following a three-year-run. And one day, years from now, anthropologists will brush away the layers of dust and glass and discover the outlines of hundreds of pristine skate shoes branded into the linoleum by the chemical commingling of virgin sweat and inexpensive beer, and they will wonder what wild rituals took place on this site all those years ago. Then they will Bing it and find out right away. Also everybody in the future uses Bing which, whatever.
[0] New Jersey considers adopting an electronic driver’s license system in which drivers can display their licenses on their phones instead of with a physical card. Let’s see if you identity thieves can outwit this state-of-the-art, low-res jpeg technology.
[-2] A new study by the William Penn Foundation says that some weaker Philly arts organizations should quit so the scene as a whole can thrive. “In conclusion: We hereby resign because Pew does the same stuff we do, only better.”
This week’s total: -3 | The year so far: +9
