The Bell Curve: Our weekly quality-of-life-o-meter
Please note: This article is published as an archive copy from Philadelphia City Paper. My City Paper is not affiliated with Philadelphia City Paper. Philadelphia City Paper was an alternative weekly newspaper in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The last edition was published on October 8, 2015.
"Me bird me eat garbage," says grateful pigeon. Adding, "Me eat garbage me poop on things me bird."
[0] Despite City Council’s rejection, Connecticut energy company UIL Holdings says it is still hoping to purchase PGW. “Package deal,” says City Council. “You buy us and the gas company or you buy nothing.”
[+5] A 17-year-old volunteer firefighter pulls a police officer from a burning squad car. “I was so grateful I could hardly tase him,” says cop.
[-1] No animals are harmed when a barn in Great Adventure’s safari ride catches fire. “Yes, I’m perfectly fine,” says Magnificus, the doped-up lion owned by a theme park.
[+1] Mumia Abu-Jamal sues to overturn the new Pennsylvania law that lets violent-crime victims sue convicts for speech that causes them “mental anguish.” And just like that, people who know the Constitution find their morals aligning with those of a convicted cop killer. That’s why every infamous criminal case has a third act, the part we call The Prestige.
[+2] A police officer in Camden is commended for helping to deliver a baby girl. “May I hold her?” asks Magnificus.
[-1] The TSA displays confiscated items at the air-port including knives, fake explosive dev-ices and bottled water. Hey, you confis-cated that water because you thought it might be a bomb. So now what? It’s not a bomb?
[0] Anti-pigeon-shoot protesters declare victory when the Philadelphia Gun Club cancels a planned pigeon shoot. “Me bird me eat garbage,” says grateful pigeon. Adding, “Me eat garbage me poop on things me bird.”
[-1] Firefighters battle an underground gas fire in Old City. A 17-year-old volunteer firefighter pulls 4,000 rats to safety.
[+2] City Council holds a hearing on food-waste recycling, which some hope will lead to the creation of a citywide composting program. “Me eat your garbage,” suggests pigeon. Adding, “Me covered in germs me bird.”
This week’s total: +7 | Last week’s total: 0
